The Emotional Conundrum of an Advisor: How to Deal with Difficult Clients

Let’s face it: When it comes to client interactions, dealing with difficult clients is inevitable. Every advisor knows that. In fact, some clients present a wide variety of challenges that make your life as a financial professional so much harder. While it can be frustrating, it’s part of the reality of the profession and something estate planners should learn how to navigate.

So what are these challenges we are talking about? Unrealistic expectations, lack of transparency, poor communication, strong emotions (which are part and parcel of every relationship) or even skepticism and distrust. It can be so overwhelming when you work hard and do your best to serve your clients and meet their needs -- then you end up getting the short end of the stick. Been there, done that? We hear you.

But again, every service provider faces this emotional conundrum at one point or another. The key is learning how to handle these setbacks with confidence – and even using them as opportunities to strengthen relationships rather than weaken them.

Reasons Behind Untoward Behaviors

We all know that financial matters usually create a lot of anxiety and evoke strong emotions. No wonder! Most people are concerned about financial security, potential job loss or turbulent markets; they fear making wrong decisions or have a need to remain in control over every aspect of their lives, including their finances. That explains why some clients may constantly question each and every solution, insight or recommendation. Of course, there is no shortage of individuals who constantly change their minds, change direction or pursue risky investments. At the core of these seemingly “outrageous”: behaviors are worries about their financial future or the well-being of the most important people in their lives – their loved ones. Once you put yourself in your clients’ shoes, you will develop a totally different perspective on things and approach the situation from a place of compassion -- not discontent. It will definitely make you a better advisor – someone to be respected, trusted and appreciated. Isn’t that the goal of every financial planner?

Unraveling Clients’ Secrets

If you think all your clients are always upfront about their circumstances, think again. Some of them may fail to reveal the WHOLE financial picture. If you are not privy to all the nuances of their financial situation – their income, expenses, debts, investments, etc. – you will not be able to help them optimize their resources. What if they have a married son who is going through a costly divorce? A young grandson suffering from addiction? Or a daughter who is a reckless spender and keeps accumulating her debt like there is no tomorrow? Some people may be suffering from a mental illness and may not have the desire or the courage to lay down the cards, for the whole world to see.

It’s understandable, but it may dramatically limit your ability to provide the best service possible. Therefore, as we pointed out in some of our previous articles, trying to connect on a deeper level, show genuine sympathy, avoid being judgmental and of course, asking a lot of probing questions, can make a huge difference and encourage them to let their guard down. In other words, it’s not necessarily what THEY say or choose not to say – it’s YOUR ability to handle vulnerable individuals and approach their situation in a delicate way.

What If You Hit the Wall?

No matter how diligent, compassionate and respectful you are towards your clients, there will always be someone who will never be satisfied with your service. Even if you work round the clock delivering solutions for them. Even if you put your best foot forward and go the extra mile…In addition to a few pointers outlined above, they may have unrealistic expectations or overestimate their finances. There are clients who refuse to embrace the truth and want their advisors to tell them only what they want to hear. Well…it’s a no-brainer that this will never result in a successful and productive relationship, financial stability or ideal outcomes.

The reality is -- you will NOT make everyone happy. When you come to the realization that you are just spinning your wheels with some clients, the best decision may be to just walk away and never look back. And keep your sanity intact! It’s as simple as that.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Do difficult clients mean I’m failing as an advisor?

Not at all. Difficult clients are part of the job, no matter how much experience you have or what your track record looks like. Learning how to navigate client emotions is an ongoing, never-ending journey -- for rookies and experts alike. Handling each and every client thoughtfully can strengthen your skills and help you deepen relationships.

2. How do I get clients to open up more about their financial situation? 

Connect on a deeper level, show genuine empathy, avoid judgment, and ask thoughtful, probing questions.

3. What should I do if a client is impossible to satisfy? 

As a savvy financial professional, you should know when to step back, walk away if necessary and prioritize your sanity—sometimes that’s the best decision for both you and your client.