Episode 690 - Stories in Our Head

In this episode, Phil shares a story about making assumptions while stuck in traffic. He recounts an incident where he misjudged a driver, only to discover the driver was rushing his pregnant wife to the hospital. Drawing from this experience, Phil emphasizes the importance of questioning the stories we tell ourselves and considering alternative perspectives. He highlights how reframing our narratives can lead to better emotional management and improved relationships. Phil encourages listeners to slow down, reflect, and be open to new interpretations to foster personal growth and harmony.

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Transcript 

Top performers in every field surround themselves with those who inspire them, who seek to build them up, and who push them to reach beyond their current limits. I'm Phil Buchanan, Executive Chairman of Cannon Financial Institute. I designed Monday Morning Mojo to provide you with a weekly spark, a push, and motivational insight to live your best life.

Thanks for joining. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Monday Morning Mojo. This is episode 690. And I'm Phil Buchanan Manoush Zomorodi is one of my favorite authors and podcasters, her book board and brilliant, highlighted the intellectual value of boredom of quieting and stilling your mind so that. You can actually think and grow.

Manoush hosts the podcast, Note to Self, and the TED Radio Hour. I listen to TED Radio Hour every week. Now, while I don't always see things eye to eye with some of Zamorodi's observations, I admire her work ethic, and I appreciate her ability to provoke thought. Now, recently, she chatted with a neuroscientist about how we all can do a better job of managing our emotions.

Now, where was Manoush and her neuroscientist when I was a younger man? But, given the mindset I had in my 20s, I may not have been able to listen, even if they had been around. I had to learn through trial and error that the stories I found me telling myself weren't always right. Weren't necessarily rooted in reality, and actually that some of those stories could make a bad situation even worse.

First, let's break down this concept of stories. We all have stories in our heads. All of us observe the world around us. And based on what we see, what we observe, and our historical upbringing, what got us to hear, we use stories to quote unquote explain what we are seeing. Now, let me give you a quick example.

Assume that you are in bumper-to-bumper traffic. on a four-lane road. And in your passenger mirror, you observe a sports car darting in and out of traffic, even getting on the shoulder of the road to pass cars. All of a sudden, the car zips past you and cuts right in front of you. The car is an Audi TT sports car.

It is bright white with very dark Tinted windows and a personalized license plate that reads "Well Done" now as you now sit behind that car in that traffic What story do you tell yourself what's going on now? my guess is it's probably something to the effect of I bet the driver is an entitled guy, huge ego, probably has a fancy wardrobe, and without even the ability to see that individual, you are put off by what you assume to be his arrogance.

In the late 1990s, I was the driver. In the car behind the Audi tt, and I told myself roughly that story I've just recited to you. Now, here's the rest of that story. After about 15 seconds, that car pulled to the side of the road and the driver got out and was flagging other cars down. I eased to the side of the road and asked.

A guy in khaki pants and a v neck sweater. Not exactly who I thought would get out of the car. What was going on? He went on to say that his very pregnant wife was in the other seat. She was in labor and about to give birth. At that point in time, my wife and I didn't have kids, and I had no idea what to do, but luckily in the background, I heard emergency vehicles coming to assist and I had gotten out of my car at this point.

And I was watching as the support crew, a deputy sheriff, and a little later an ambulance came around and I looked at him and I said, well. I hope you've got a baby seat for your Audi. Well, he turned to me and said, it's not my car. It was the neighbor's car. He's got two other kids at home and the car that he and his wife share had their car seats in it.

So, the neighbor had given him the Audi TT to rush her to the hospital. Later, as I reflected on that experience, I remember having a very Simple, clear thought. Don't make assumptions. But, assumptions and stories, well, that's what our brains are designed to do. To take inputs, to combine those inputs with our totality of experiences, understanding, knowledge, etc.

And produce a story that explains what we're seeing. Our brains do this very quickly. So quickly, in fact, that if we don't intentionally question the story, we tell ourselves if we don't seek. possible alternatives, we can find ourselves locked emotionally into that narrative, and that's when angst and anxiety can be at its peak.

Two pals recently shared experiences with me in which they told me that they had had to reframe situations in their heads about scenarios that they were involved in with their families. They had had to recraft the story. In both instances, it had allowed these two individuals to actually forgive situations within their families.

that otherwise would have probably carried on well past their generations into future generations. Now, factually, both of these individuals had been quote unquote wronged by other family members, yet Both of them, in reframing the story, had allowed those slights to take on a more positive perspective.

Now, both pals are much wiser and will never allow themselves to be taken advantage of again in the way that they had, but by reframing the story, it allowed them to move past the issues for the benefit of themselves, their spouses, their children, their nieces, their nephews. And again, had they not taken this action of reframing the story they were telling themselves, it's likely that Family Harmony would never Have been achieved again, and that has lasting generational impact.

So here's a thought. The next time you experience an event, or you observe certain behavior that causes your brain to kick in with the storytelling concept, slow down. And as soon as you tell yourself the story that you're kind of programmed to tell, try to create an alternative story as well. This process will not only help you in understanding the reality of the situation that you're facing, but it will naturally temper your emotional response.

And I find that both in the short run and the long run, well, if we can temper our responses, it usually works out better for everyone. Monday Morning Mojo is a production of Cannon Financial Institute. Executive producer of Monday Morning Mojo is Sarah Jones. Editing and mixing is done by Danny Brunner. 

Production manager is Daniela Delgado. Until next time, I'm Phil Buchanan reminding you to be a force for good. Have a great week and thanks for being part of the Mojo community.